There Will Be Mud – 10 Reasons You MUST Race The Delta States Grand Prix

Guys! Hey, you guys! CYCLOCROSS IS COMING TO NEW ORLEANS! And not just to Nola, but all of Louisiana and Mississippi. Unless you recently got lost in the woods or have otherwise been living under a rock, you’ve probably heard about the Delta States Grand Prix of Cyclocross. 5 races from October to December pit the best of man and machine against the worst of mother nature. It’s going to get rowdy.

I know you’re already putting on your knobby tires and your skinsuit. I know you can’t wait to get out there and flex in the mud and show everybody who the numero uno Local Hardman is. I know, trust me. I know, because I’m doing those things too (Ok so I’m putting on a skin-tight children’s spiderman costume, not a skinsuit, but you get the point). I know I don’t have to do this, but I’m going to do it anyway. For those who don’t get it yet, and those who start reading an article halfway down, here are

THE TEN REASONS YOU MUST RACE DGSP THIS SEASON:

10 – New Toys: You get to build a new bike! What’s that? Pit bike? Oh yeah, you can even build 2 new bikes! And with any luck mechanical failures will requre you to buy all those upgrade components you haven’t been able to afford!

9 – Killer Costumes: Like beer, not just for spectators. Go ahead, get weird.

8 – More Cowbell: There’s going to be a lot of cowbell out there. And if you happen to have a particular type of fever, for which the only cure is more cowbell, you my friend are in luck.

7 – Peer Pressure: Everyone else is doing it. No, like seriously. Everybody

6 – Fierce Competiton: This ones for all the bacon, kids! You’ve made it out and you’ve put it on the line, Time to drop hammers. Get on the podium or get out the way.

5 – Or Not: You don’t have to kill yourself. Have fun, get loose, act a fool and remember, somebody’s gotta keep it funky out there.

4 – Unlimited Mud: Don’t fight it. Embrace it. Become one with it. Let it coat you. I hear it’s good for your skin. If you really don’t like it you can wash it off with beer foam.

3 – Tasty Suds: Beer is not just for breakfast anymore. It’s also not just for spectators. Thirsty riders who need some grain in their water to keep them strong can probably expect generous beer hand-ups from avid fans.

2 – Righteous Babes: Studly dudes and smokin’ ladies getting riled up over each others’ hot cross buns. Best of all, they’re all there to get a shot at YOU. That is, assuming you are on the podium.

1 – Local Hardman/Hardlady Status: You gotta earn it if you want to claim it. Get out there and make moves.

Seriously dude. I don’t know what more to tell you. Just do it already.

!!!!!!!!!,
Rich
Yeah You Ride

 

Going For Goldsprints – Guest Gallery by Christine Moser!

We kicked off 2 Broke 4 The Worlds with Goldsprints, everyone’s favorite way to cramp up and burn out legs before a big race. For the unacquainted, Goldsprints are stationary bike races. Two fixed gear bikes on roller stands, hooked up to a computer that tells the world who cranked out the faster time for a set distance. Geared at a 2.0 ratio (34×17, same as Rich’s singlespeed MTB!) these Goldsprint bikes were ultra-low-resistance spinning machines, designed to deliver maximum suffering, while being minimally impressive to onlookers. Imagine two goons at the gym going ham, spinning their feet beyond the speed of light, as spectators scream at and throw beer on them. Then, tell us which gym this is and sign us up for a membership. Stationary bike races may sound ridiculous, but add enough beer and – OK, beer is all you need – and the competition really heats up.

We got things rolling with open sprints matches, just for fun. We tossed up some prizes like PBR T-Shirts for prime rounds, to make things interesting. We did a few beer races, wherein both riders must drink a half-pint before finishing their race. Finally, we started a bracket and began running head-to-head matches for all the bacon. In one of the more exciting heats, Robinson Sudan and Roberto Puig actually tied, with times identical to 3 decimal places. That’s pretty much a scientific anomaly. To the delight of the crowd and the disappointment of those poor saps, a rematch was called. Rich was knocked out of the tournament pretty early on when Boedi decided to handicap him by demanding an entire PBR tallboy be pounded before even starting to pedal. Needless to say, Rich lost the match and nearly lost his lunch. For how absurd the whole shebang was, everyone seemed to have a blast, enough so that the neighbors called the bar a couple times to complain about maniacs screaming wildly in 17 second intervals. Sweetening the pot, rad prizes got handed out to top men and ladies. Thankfully, our good friend, Christine Moser was there to capture some of the action for you folks at home. Thanks for the snaps, Christine!

We got these bikes on loan from Beaux Jones and Bike Baton Rouge, who are hosting a series of Goldsprint tournaments this summer. Their next event will be August 28th, check their Facebook for more details. We will definitely be doing more of these in the future, and we highly suggest you attend. We also highly suggest you clear your schedule for several days afterwards of any activities that involve walking normally.

Cheers!

Yeah You Ride

2 Broke 2 Lose

Old Look

Saturday I won my first alleycat. That is, I won an alleycat for the first time. I told everybody it was no sweat, but nothing could be farther from the truth. On one of the hottest afternoons of the year, legs still tight from the previous evening’s Goldsprints, I strapped a black messenger bag to my back and hammered around the city for 30 miles on a brakeless track bike, shouldering a load of phonebooks. Ask people that have had the pleasure of riding a pace line with me and they’ll tell you I sweat like a pig. On Saturday, this little piggy went in the oven. Oink oink, drip drip. Sorry for all the paperwork I destroyed with my profusion of perspiration.

This race took place in the midst of 2 Broke 4 The Worlds, an impromptu messenger party weekend hosted by past and current Atlanta messengers Skip Town, Travis of Freight Bags, and The Deaner (pronounced Tay Dee-nur), or Dean for short. Many of you know Skip, but less than few knew Dean before this weekend. Truly a character, Dean’s outrageous personality can best be described in two words: drunk uncle. He’s got a handful of go-to dirty jokes that he’ll tell you over and over all night, he’ll tell you stories about how it used to be in the golden days, he’ll remind you that you are a pussy, then he’ll do his best to get you wasted. But don’t worry, he’s not gonna tell your dad. Continue reading “2 Broke 2 Lose”

2 Broke 4 The Worlds…

P1010215…recap is coming, but we’re still trying to recover. We want to say thanks to all the people who came out and spun spokes and drank copious amounts of PBRs. We also want to give huge thanks to our wonderful sponsors and to Dean, Travis, and Skip for organizing the whole shebang. See you next time?!

-Yeah You Ride

YYR’s Guide to the Seedy Underbelly: New Orleans

To all our guests from near and afar:

Thanks for coming to 2 Broke 4 the Worlds and welcome to our fine city. The Big Easy, The Crescent City, The City Sobriety Forgot, The Dirty Dirty. We call it many things, but most of all, we call it home. We are stoked to have you here in our city, on our sofas, and thrashing our streets. Hospitality is what we do and we are glad to host and want this to be an awesome time for everyone. Let us know if you have unanswered questions, or need anything. It can probably be arranged, no matter how depraved or illegal it is. Remember, New Orleanians love having guests, but we hate tourists. So have fun, mind your P’s & Q’s, and be a good guest, not an obnoxious tourist.

If you are still reading this we assume that you are not a local so, let us start by saying how much we appreciate you traveling to participate in the first (annual?) 2 Broke 4 The Worlds! As you know we aren’t your mom and we aren’t your lawyer. Even if we are friends we’d rather not have to bail you out of jail, visit you in the hospital, or hold your hair out of the toilet so here is the quick 411 on how to do things right down here. Continue reading “YYR’s Guide to the Seedy Underbelly: New Orleans”